by your side*/}

Another Year, Another Blog.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009, 2:53 PM

Well, considering there's only two days left in 2009, this will most likely be my last blog of this year. i've been taking time to reflect on what exactly i made of this past year. Nothing comes to mind, how sad. I graduated jr. high school, with about a C average. That's not worth cheering about. I got myself suspended for not being able to close this large mouth of mine - maybe i should've just gotten a muzzle. I let some guys take advantage of me, in ways i'm not proud of. Nothing i've done this year is anything i would call an "accomplishment." But, at the same time, all these incidents have made me realize what a shitty job i was doing at living. And now that i have my head screwed on properly again, i've been living better. My grades are up, my spirit is slowly climbing higher, and i'm not getting myself in sticky situations. I've thrown the possibility of falling in love right now out the window. There's no way i'm going to successfully manage a relationship at this point in my life. I've also thrown out my rebellious ways. No more giving my body to others, or sharing it with others. I have self respect, and dignity. And i couldn't be more proud. 2010, will be my year. Although i say that alot, this time i'm backing up my statements.

I've started working out. It's a shock, even to me. But i've made a goal. On December 14th, i decided i needed this change. That by the exact day (December 14th), of next year, i will try my hardest to lose up to 100 pounds. I'm not saying i'll accomplish it, because i know that's a damn hard thing to do, considering how much weight that is, but i'm sure as hell gonna try. It's been two weeks, and i've lost six pounds. My goal, is to average about 10 pounds a month. And i'll be good. So, we'll see if this falls through. This is getting to be my last chance. If i don't shape up, and get healthy, who knows what will happen. I'll probably become very ill. and that's not something i want. I'm doing this for myself now. Not for anyone else. So maybe that's the ingredient i need to succeed at this. Wish me luck, i'm going to need all i can get.

Looking at my previous blogs, they've all been upsetting. I'm not happy. Or, i wasn't when i wrote them. But at the moment, i'm actually very happy. I realized just exactly what was making me unhappy. My dreams, my ideas. They left me, out cold in the street. I couldn't imagine happiness. I only had dreams of being sick, and sad. Fortunately, i found them again. I'm even writing again. I've got a great idea for a story. It's so personal, it's almost over powering. But i'm determined to finish it this time. I've never finished a story in my life. This needs to be my first. My mind is like, on overdrive right now. Almost as if catching up, for lost time. It's crazy. But i'm glad. I'm so glad my head is back.

My holidays have been great. My Christmas was quiet, very quiet in fact. On Christmas Eve, my uncle and Grandmother(on my mom's side) came over. We played Yahtzee, because she loves that. She's still pretty weak from her heart surgery in April, but she's getting so much better. She was like, offering to cook, and help set the table and everything. It was so awesome to see her like that. We opened gifts, and spent time together. Although it was quiet, it was still very special, to all of us. My grandmother on my dad's side, is still pretty sick. He went to visit her on Christmas Day, and came home histerical. I've never heard him that upset. And it crushed me. He said she was screaming like mad. She didn't care about the gifts he'd gotten her. All she did was scream. He told me he couldn't take it. He had to get out of there. How crushing is that? For a son to see his mother so unhappy on Christmas? It's heartbreaking. The rest of that day, we spent at my aunt's house. My dad tried not to think about that morning, and we actually had a great time. We played tons of games, and took loads of pictures. From Santa, i got a beautiful new acoustic guitar, which i'm very excited about. I also got a jukebox! the one i've been wanting. It's an ipod dock, but it looks like a mini jukebox. it even lights up, it's awesome. I finally finished my mom's scrapbook too, a day before Christmas Eve. She LOVED it, i'm so glad. i spent so much time and money on that, she couldn't believe it.

As for New Years, i'm not 100% sure what my family has planned. But i'm sure it will be nice.

I've been deciding back and forth what i should make as a resolution. I think i'll keep it plain and simple. Every year, for the past probably four years, i've made a resolution of losing weight. And it's never happened. So, i'm not making that one again. I'll just DO IT, instead of say that i'm doing it. I think I'm just going to make a goal of living my life to the fullest possible advantage. I want to make something of this year. 2009 slipped by my fingertips, and i'm NOT letting 2010 do that, too. So i'm gonna have fun, while still getting things done that need to be.

I think this blog is long enough now:) I'll post more later.
So, Have a f-a-n-t-a-s-t-i-c new years.<3>

Labels: Christmas, Inspiration, New Years

Hit and Blow.

Friday, December 11, 2009, 3:28 PM

Today was another one of those "icky" days. When i was a small child and i was having a day like this, i would make myself feel better by building a giant fort in my room out of blankets and pillows and i'd hide in it all day. (Not that that couldn't make anyone of any age happy) But at this age, the technology factories programmed ipods to go to a level of "escape the world" so teenagers won't go mad. Well, HELLLO IPOD, i'm still going mad. Do you have a level on insanity? Anything higher? Because that's the level I'm going to need.

Sometimes i wonder what it would be like if there was a place to go when you needed to get away. A place like, Hogwarts. Somewhere that you have to run through a wall or jump through a portal, and come out on another side into a magical world. And in that world, it's like heaven. But, not so fabulous of course. It's just a peaceful place (UNLIKE Harry Potter) and you just go there when you need to relax, or get your head straight. No one would be there to bother you. You could just take time to get your thoughts together. Maybe there would be doves, and deer there as well. Because they're both beautifully peaceful animals. Who knows. But i personally think that would be incredible. I'd be there all.the.time.

I can't really say why my life has been so stressful lately. I mean, it's Christmas time! I should be Fa-La-La-La-La-ing. And i was for a while there. But even with the tree, decorations, and presents wrapped, it doesn't feel like christmas anymore. Hopefully that changes reallll soon. I think my stress revolves around school - again. I've been throwing people out the door faster then my mom's homemade dinners. (Kidding, she's a great cook. But you get the point.) People have just been on my nerves lately. Like, seriously - get off my jock! ;) It's not that hard to show respect, ya know? If you respect me, i will definetly respect you. But if you're gonna act like a total douche, you can count on me to throw it back in your face. it's not a hard concept to understand. i just wish people would grow up.

Ahhh. Now that i got that out:) Let's try a positive subject. There's tons of various activities happening lately. For school, I'm starting a portfolio of my volunteer work so i can get a job in the next year. Then, there's an "Adopt a Family" thing going on in my history class, where we can bring in anything we own, or buy anything for families in need on christmas. I feel good helping out. It's something really personal, and really special. I'm also trying to grow my hair out! :)it's long enough now to the point where i can put most of it up in a ponytail, and i can baredly get it straightened anymore. Just about, a foot more and it'll be at the desirable length, yaayyy. hahaha.

Welll, i should go. But, I'll write again later.