A little about me:
My name is Jodie. I'm a young girl trying to put my life together and figure out where i'm going. I love obese cats, dressing up, and art. This blog is just my place to rant and throw my feelings out into the world. This is my safety zone, i won't hold back what i'm feeling for anything. I guess this is like a personal diary to me, that anyone is free to read. I think life is beautiful, and at the moment i'm spending my time putting mine together.
Just breathe, In - Out - In - Out.
Friday, May 14, 2010, 4:20 PM
Sometimes a breath of fresh air is all i need to relieve myself from suffocation. So much has been happening lately, I'm not even able to finish a sentence anymore. Hours pass at night and i long for my eyes to shut and my mind to quit running. My dreams can take control and my body can regain the energy it so desperately needs. But no such luck. My life is too busy, i can't get a moment of time to myself. I lay in bed for hours and think of my life, trying to clear some of the madness away so i can get a little sleep.
It's the end of the school year; literally one month left until summer vacation. There is honestly nothing i'm going to miss about this school year. I'm surrounded by idiotic teachers and fake friends. I've been ready for summer since about November. I'm ready for sunshine and peace. This summer i have enough plans to keep me plenty busy. I'll be getting my license and definetly be car shopping. (hoping for my big monster truck! haha) I'm also hoping to get involved in a gym membership so I'll FINALLY lose some mother truckin' weight. Once i get my car I'll be able to drive myself around and i can freely go anywhere. So i'm really thinking that's going to help me get out more and want to exercise. Fingers are crossed, 100%. I also have many plans with my family, those which will be kept secret because i don't want any stalkers headed my way, thank you very much.
Today i held back tears as i sat and listened to the vulnerable words pour out of a loved ones lips. I was helpless, and all i could do was sit there and nod my head. i just wanted to wrap my arms around that beautiful soul and tell her everything would be ok. I wanted to tell her that i could fix everything, and that she didn't have to cry anymore. But i'm not God. I can't make everything better. All i could do was listen and comfort her. Saying goodbye to someone is never easy. But seeing how bad it hurts her, absolutely kills me inside. I'd go to the end of the world to make things better. I find it especially hard to think about having to say goodbye to her. I can't imagine how she feels being in the situation she is in right now. I love her to death, literally. I'd do anything for that girl. I hope she'll be strong through this. God, i hope she'll be ok.
I've gotten rather lazy in the way i look lately. I've put a minimal amount of makeup on lately, and I've pinned up my hair everyday for a whole week. Although i can't complain, because my hair has never been softer. But i must say i'm not looking the best lately. I guess i just don't really care what my appearance is anymore. I'm not sure if that's a bad thing or a good thing, but i'm getting ready in a shorter amount of time, so quite honestly I'm not caring at the moment. I'm not trying to impress anyone, and I'm not striving to feel beautiful when i know i never will, so what's the point?
I talked to my best friend on the phone the other night. God gracious, i miss that girl. She's still in Tennessee, and unfortunately she's not able to visit this summer because she has testing for school to work on. Everytime i speak with her, i feel like i need to turn my life around. She says the most amazing things, and makes me laugh so much. But she also makes me realize so much without saying a word. We discussed college, and it hit me that i've only got two years left until i'm ready to go to college. Reality is setting in faster then lotion on my very skin, it's obsorbing in my bones, and it's freaking me out. I need to start applying for scholarships starting next year, and i'd even like to try to get a job. I'll be having so much on my plate, i'm not even sure i'll be able to balance it. but i'm definetly going to try. My best friend and i talked about what we are going to do for college. Even though this doesn't sound totally down to earth and in reality, I think it would be amazing if we could apply to the same colleges and if we got accepted to one we both like, then we could attend it together and maybe get an apartment together. I kind of planned on attending UW because i didn't really think my grades were good enough for any other college, but i understand that it wouldn't hurt to apply to other colleges. i could actually get accepted into one i really like that i've never considered before. It's a lot to think about, but now that i've got my college situation figured out, i still need to figure out what the hell i want to do with my life! haha. i always think i've got it figured out but i never do. Life is crazy, and there's so many directions i could take, it's hard to choose just one.
It's a beautiful day out, and i'm ready to get off of here. So i'll post more later.
xoxoxoxoxo.
