by your side*/}

Hidden Goodbyes

Thursday, June 3, 2010, 5:00 PM

Dear Hidden Goodbyes,
Today might have been the last day i ever see you in my lifetime. I'd like to hope that's not true, but life has no guarentees. It's been hard to smile today, knowing your beautiful face won't pass by me everyday anymore. This day has been nothing but a crack to my heart, and i honestly don't want to think about you boarding that plane and taking off.

I'm so sorry. You deserved a better goodbye, but i couldn't even look at you. I couldn't look at you because i was afraid you'd see me cry. Just looking into your soft blue eyes would have broken me. So i sat there, and told you i loved you while i looked in the other direction. I didn't say much else, because my voice was already cracking and i knew i was moments away from losing myself in your shirt. i tried so hard to be strong, but it was painful. I should've just showed you how i felt, but i didn't want to make you cry too. I wanted you to leave without having to worry about how i felt. But i honestly don't think you ever knew how i felt about you.

I meant it every single time i told you i loved you. The way you made me feel inside was indescribable. You've been a good friend of mine for a while now. You always knew how to make me laugh and i always felt like i could act myself around you. We had inside jokes, and secrets shared between us. We had plans made together that were unfulfilled, that someday i hope we can do together. I want to sleepover with you, and be crazy. You are one person that has kept my heart pinned to your soul and never once threatened that. I can't recall once ever fighting with you. We had a good thing between us, and it hurts so bad to know you're so far away now.

i miss your laugh. i miss talking to you about all the crazy sexual things we do, and our relationships. I miss wrapping my arm around your curly hair when i hug you. i miss your hugs. Tears fall down my cheeks as i type this, because i think back to all the good times we had together. You put up with my annoying behavior and just told me i was being weird whenever i was actually being way out of line. You're a good person, inside and out. You may make mistakes, which is why you're leaving, but i don't believe you're a bad person at all. if i had it my way, i'd have you come live with me. I'd sleep on my floor and let you have my bed. That's how much i fucking care about you.

Maybe you never realized it, but i was in love with you.
From _______, with love.

Personal Note: I decided to make a change in the way i write my blogs. For the most part, my blogs will format the style that i am writing a letter to somebody. For instance, today i wrote a letter to a really good friend that just moved away. I decided to make my blogs reflect my "From____, With love" title. I believe it has a lot of meaning behind it, because it's like getting an anonymous letter from some one. So my blog is named after it, and i thought it was only appropriate that i write From ____, with love after every blog as well.

Labels: Goodbyes, Hidden