Welcome to my blog! :)

My name is Jodie. I'm a young girl trying to put my life together and figure out where i'm going. I love obese cats, dressing up, and art. This blog is just my place to rant and throw my feelings out into the world. This is my safety zone, i won't hold back what i'm feeling for anything. I guess this is like a personal diary to me, that anyone is free to read. I think life is beautiful, and at the moment i'm spending my time putting mine together.

Today i woke up feeling achy, and my nose feels like i have a thousand needles piercing it. So i stayed home from school. i figured i'd make a blog before going back to bed again.

I've had one thing on my mind lately, and it's driving me crazy. I'm sure you can guess just what i'm talking about. My man, my boyfriend, my babylove, my other half. The past couple of days we've come to the reality of our relationship. His mother is getting married this summer and he's moving. Not far, but far enough that it's not within walking distance of my town of course. Although i'll be getting my license this summer, i don't know if our relationship will be strong enough that we'll really WANT to keep a long distance fling happening. It's difficult currently, because i see him only a couple times a week as it is now. Once he moves, it'll just get harder. We both love eachother, but at the same time, we both want eachother to be happy. I don't want him or myself to be suffering because we're lonely and missing eachother all the time. It's kind of a downer, because i almost feel like our relationship is coming to an end, but at the same time, i don't want to be the bear of bad news, so i'm trying to look at the positives and see that maybe, just maybe, our relationship will work. I can never tell. My life is so crazy every moment, i couldn't ever make plans in advance. Everytime i try to tell the future, it gets all shitted up, haha. So we'll see. I just feel like my head is spinning constantly. I almost feel like i'm going to be one of those robots in those movies where their heads spin so fast, that they pop off! wouldn't that be something.

Back to the point.... I love him. I've fallen in love with him, harder then i ever imagined. And i'll work really hard to keep this relationship going. But reality is setting in, and i just don't know what's going to happen. I guess I'm just kind of preparing myself for what may happen, but at the same time, even if i knew what was going to happen, it's still going to hurt. So i don't know. It just makes me sad everytime i think about it. Because i really don't want to lose him. He means so fucking much to me. You honestly would never understand. We'll see where life is willing to take us i guess.

On my weight loss updates, I'm not really sure what my last update was with my computer crashing; i can't remember. But, i was down fifteen pounds for a while. And the last i checked, i'm still down thirteen. I'm getting a little frustrated because i'm still not losing the weight as fast as i'm wanting. And i don't understand why. I went to the doctors a week ago, and he told me he could schedule an appointment with a nutritionist if i wanted, but i refused because i'm already eating right. I don't need to pay money to hear that i'm doing everything i need to. I guess i still need to up my exercise, and see where that goes. This summer, i really think i'll work hard, because i want to get as tan and skinny as possible, so i'll be outside as much as i can. And if that doesn't work, i'll go back to the doctors and see what else i can do.

i'm feeling very dizzy, so i'll have to finish my blog later.
xoxoxo.



The simple kiss, or squeeze of a hand sends chills down every inch of my body. my knees find weakness at the very sound of your voice. my heart melts and spills to my feet everytime you smile. your laugh is addicting, it makes me higher then the most powerful drug.

I don't know how it happened, but you did it. i was so far gone when we met. i wanted anything but a relationship. i was lost, unable to identify anything and i felt like a stranger to myself. But then you changed everything. You found a grasp on my heart and stole it right out of my chest, without any given warning. i fell hard for you, and so far you've done a good job of catching me.

You make me feel so safe when i'm with you. I know you'd never let anything hurt me. You'd do absolutely anything to protect me. And i know i'd do the same for you. Your simple words of "you're beautiful" or "i love you more then you know" mean so much to me. You have a way about you that makes me forget everything in my life and for a moment when i'm in your arms, i actually FEEL beautiful. A feeling that is unusual for me. You've got the perfect touch.

I want to share everything with you, i want you to know how much you mean to me. Life does some unexpected things sometimes. I mean, it brought you to me. Someone too good for me is actually with me. Who would've ever thought? I don't know how long this will last, or how far we'll get. But one thing is certain. I found love. At just fifteen years old, i've gone head over heels. And it's a beautiful feeling that i'm enjoying right now. I've opened up and let myself have the opportunity to get hurt again. But i'm trusting you won't hurt me. You're someone worth taking a chance on.

Somedays you make me want to rip my hair out because i get so frustrated with you. You act like you don't want to talk to me, or you act like you don't care a single ounce about me. But then you realize something is wrong and you send me a simple "i love you" text and i instantly melt. You make me upset somedays, and you make me sad. You make me angry, and even worried. But at the end of the day, i'll always love you. I get over whatever is upsetting me, and we both go back to caring about eachother. i honestly don't think i've ever had someone confuse me so much. My emotions are a rollarcoaster about you. But it's because i've never been in love before, so i'm not used to it.

You're the cutest thing i've ever seen. You probably don't notice, but i stare at you constantly. I can't get over how insanely attractive i think you are. I like you so much, and i can't help myself sometimes. i love just laying on my bed with you listening to your heart beat. You've got the best beating heart in the world. Your lips are soft, and your skin is warm. You're on the verge of defining perfection, and it's so crazy. Who knows what will happen. We may last a long time, or we may not even last through tomorrow. But for now, i'm having fun. I love you. 04.03.10

Labels: love, perfect, touch

I'm sitting here, as i hear clicks of keyboards and whispers between friends. There's a couple loud individuals talking on their phones, and a couple shy ones with their hoods up and headphones in their ears. There is two beautiful women sitting next to me speaking in a language i'm unfamiliar with. i haven't been to a public library in almost three years. It feels weird to sit in one now, being a foot taller, and years maturer. But somehow i'm content with it.

My computer took a turn, and crashed almost a week ago. I haven't been able to get on the internet for a good five days at least. But i haven't been able to get on to blog in almost a month. My computer won't let me for some reason. So my apologies for my lack of blogging, again. I've really wanted to get things off my mind.... there's been ALOT on my mind to be honest. and if i had it my way, i would've had ten blogs by now.

My plans are to purchase a laptop as soon as possible, and if it means paying for my own internet as well, i'll do that too. I can't live without blogging, and in the process of getting my own computer, i'll have to settle for the library.

Onto New subjects....

I found myself a man. Who would've ever thought? We've been going steady for almost a month now, and he's really great. I think he just may be my first true love. I never thought it was possible to fall in love when you're so young; so inexperienced. And especially not for ME of all people. But somehow i think i have. I'll have a blog about him up soon, you can trust me on that :) But i feel like i can never stop talking about him. He annoys the crap out of me somedays, but then i think about it; and i don't think there's a single individual out there that CAN'T get on my nerves. So he just might be alright for me.

School has fallen through the cracks once again. My grades are slipping, and i'm getting to the point where i honestly can't stand being in the environment. My teachers are all psycho, and i don't see how they aren't in a mental institution. The people i'm surrounded by do anything to get a little attention. It's just all around horrible. I wish more then anything it was summer. I'm ready to get away.

Well, this blog has been rather short. and i know i could blog about a million more things. But i have to get going.... so i'll try to get another blog as soon as possible. Cross your fingers i can get a laptop soon!!!
xoxo.

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