by your side*/}

Dear User

Tuesday, June 15, 2010, 3:11 PM

Dear Drug User,

Baby, You're ruining your life. Do you not understand that? It started with just a casual smoke of pot a day, then it turned into a week. Now i find out you're selling the stuff daily -- on school grounds as well. What's worse then that, is that you've let yourself fall so far into the cracks, i found out today you've been living in a tent for a few weeks and you don't shower anymore. You're homeless at sixteen and all that matters is getting that dope. What has your life become? You've given up. You've let a single drug ruin everything you had going for you.

You had a girlfriend that looked like a barbie; she's simply beautiful. You had drop dead gorgeous looks. Your grades were decent (at least you attended school). You were talented at any sport you played. You had amazing friends who cared about you. You had a life. But guess what? You let that all slip through your fingertips. You gave up on yourself, and now other people are starting to give up on you. What's going to happen in ten, fifteen years?

You're going to end up worse then you are now, or you might not even be alive. You're taking advantage of life. You're making it a huge joke, and it's coming back around to screw you over. You were a good person; a great guy in general. You treated people with respect, you made everyone around you laugh. You were an all around sweetheart. I remember just a couple months ago, when you used to come up to me and make weird dinosaur sounds because you knew it made me smile. Just two months; that's all it took for me to watch you fall. You lost your humor; your gentle touch. The only time you came around was when you needed money, or wanted to ask me if i'd smoke a hit with you. You'd do anything to get high. I could see it in your soul that you weren't the same person. You would lie right to my face and tell me you were okay. You'd transformed into an addict.

Do i feel sorry for you? Undoubtedly. I wish more then anything i could cradle you in my arms like a small infant and fix your problems; but i can't. You're facing the real world, but a world that is harder then most people's. You're living the life of an addict. You live for, die for, breathe for drugs. Nothing else matters to you. So when you're sitting in your tent waiting for your dealer to come, think about one thing. Look at what your life has turned out to be. Does it honestly make you happy? If you can say yes, then i don't want to see texts from you anymore saying you're going to get beat up if you don't pay people, and telling me you miss your old life. If you answer no, then fix it. Get help, it may not be easy but you're strong. I think you'd be able to pull yourself out of this hole you've created.

i care about you, and i know for a fact i'm not the only person that's hurting inside to see you like this. Babe, please stop this long road of addiction. You can do it if you stop soon. I don't want to see your picture in the paper claiming you've ODed on something, or gotten killed from gang members. I want to know you've gone on to success and happiness with a big family and lots of children. You'd make a great dad sober. You'd make a great husband sober.

I love you, please help yourself.
From ____, with love.

Labels: addict, drugs, life

Goodbyes

Thursday, June 10, 2010, 2:28 PM

Dear Goodbyes,
Whether i greet you for a day, a week, a year, or forever. The taste of your sound on my tongue makes me feel like physically getting sick. My emotions spin inside my head and i feel like my heart is being dragged on a string by a small child who assumes it's their priceless teddy bear.

We are not guarenteed a tomorrow. No one expects the outcomes that sometimes occur. when i say goodbye, i assume it's forever. I make no plans in advance; i give no promises. because i've gotten broken worse then the most fragile porcelin doll in my past. I've given out my heart and soul, to find a heartless goodbye thrown my way. Friendships, relationships, and sometimes even family is broken from a fragile word like you. Your meaning is stronger then the moon's force, but its interpretation is weak.

The empty feeling after saying goodbye is the worst. Words can't even describe. I feel lost, sometimes even powerless. I wish sometimes i had the strength to just walk out and never come back again without shedding a single tear, but i don't. Once i meet somebody, they're forever embedded in my mind. Their face lingers around until i'm driven mad. Maybe that just means i care. Maybe it makes me seem weak. Either way, goodbye -- i do not like hearing your name ring in my ears. It's the worst sound i've ever heard, and unfortunately i've been hearing alot of you lately.

Please, goodbye. Go away and never come back. I don't even want to have to speak of you again.
From ____, with love.

Labels: Goodbyes, heart

The strength inside the weak.

Monday, June 7, 2010, 4:00 PM

Dear Death,

You frighten every part of me. Each bone in my body feeds into jellow, my skin loses color and my voice disappears when you come close. You have power no one in the world can control. You have the ability to end a human life in just a single moment. You need no warning, no reassurance. You just take a life --- like that. People's dreams; their hope. It all dies with the news of their family/friend passing on.

How could you be so cruel? Somtimes you're taking away the only person someone may have in their life. You give them one last breath, then snatch their soul away without letting them say goodbye. Do you take other people's souls because you don't have one of your own?

Surely you realize there is one thing more powerful then you. That thing is love. You may take away dreams, and life. But you can't take away the love shared between specific individuals. That's one thing that lives on forever.

I've lost many friends, as well as family members to you. You've left me crying for days only to choke on my tears. My heart has taken multiple bullets from you, but you still see me chugging along. Love keeps me away from you; love keeps me alive. I'm starting to gain a strength inside me that i've never had. I try not to let myself get hurt by you. Goodbyes are slowly getting easier to say, and realization that someday i'll soon see my good friends again makes things easier. Your strength may frighten others, but i'm done letting it frighten me. Death is sad, and can be draining both physically and emotionally. As i continue to get older, there is more people i know dying. It leaves a giant knot inside my stomach to think someday everyone i know right now will eventually be dead, including myself. I find myself constantly wondering what happens after death. Is everything over? Do we get another chance at life?

i always imagined heaven like being a military. God assigns you with a life he thinks you can handle, and you'd be sent out to try everything new. Suicides were caused by a lack of strength, and god wouldn't punish you for that. He'd simply claim his judgement was off. I guess everyone's vision of heaven is different. Some don't even believe in it.

A recent death just occured that sent my curiousity through the roof, and my stomach through my throat. A very beautiful, intelligent 18 year old boy died of a drug addiction. My heart goes out to his family and to him. They're all beautiful people. This is not an unusual accurance, but the fact that he is so young, and seemed like such a good kid simply makes my insides turn. How could you take such a soul like his with you? It's too great to be in your hands. He deserves to still be alive. He made a mistake, but he isn't a bad person. Love is still keeping his spirit alive, as it always will.

I don't want to die.

I know everyone does someday, but i feel like my time is coming too fast. i enjoy life too much to be in your hands anytime soon. Everyday is a new dream, a new adventure. And my adventures aren't over. So don't think you're coming near me anytime soon.
From ____, with love.

Labels: death, drugs, heaven, love

Hidden Goodbyes

Thursday, June 3, 2010, 5:00 PM

Dear Hidden Goodbyes,
Today might have been the last day i ever see you in my lifetime. I'd like to hope that's not true, but life has no guarentees. It's been hard to smile today, knowing your beautiful face won't pass by me everyday anymore. This day has been nothing but a crack to my heart, and i honestly don't want to think about you boarding that plane and taking off.

I'm so sorry. You deserved a better goodbye, but i couldn't even look at you. I couldn't look at you because i was afraid you'd see me cry. Just looking into your soft blue eyes would have broken me. So i sat there, and told you i loved you while i looked in the other direction. I didn't say much else, because my voice was already cracking and i knew i was moments away from losing myself in your shirt. i tried so hard to be strong, but it was painful. I should've just showed you how i felt, but i didn't want to make you cry too. I wanted you to leave without having to worry about how i felt. But i honestly don't think you ever knew how i felt about you.

I meant it every single time i told you i loved you. The way you made me feel inside was indescribable. You've been a good friend of mine for a while now. You always knew how to make me laugh and i always felt like i could act myself around you. We had inside jokes, and secrets shared between us. We had plans made together that were unfulfilled, that someday i hope we can do together. I want to sleepover with you, and be crazy. You are one person that has kept my heart pinned to your soul and never once threatened that. I can't recall once ever fighting with you. We had a good thing between us, and it hurts so bad to know you're so far away now.

i miss your laugh. i miss talking to you about all the crazy sexual things we do, and our relationships. I miss wrapping my arm around your curly hair when i hug you. i miss your hugs. Tears fall down my cheeks as i type this, because i think back to all the good times we had together. You put up with my annoying behavior and just told me i was being weird whenever i was actually being way out of line. You're a good person, inside and out. You may make mistakes, which is why you're leaving, but i don't believe you're a bad person at all. if i had it my way, i'd have you come live with me. I'd sleep on my floor and let you have my bed. That's how much i fucking care about you.

Maybe you never realized it, but i was in love with you.
From _______, with love.

Personal Note: I decided to make a change in the way i write my blogs. For the most part, my blogs will format the style that i am writing a letter to somebody. For instance, today i wrote a letter to a really good friend that just moved away. I decided to make my blogs reflect my "From____, With love" title. I believe it has a lot of meaning behind it, because it's like getting an anonymous letter from some one. So my blog is named after it, and i thought it was only appropriate that i write From ____, with love after every blog as well.

Labels: Goodbyes, Hidden