by your side*/}

Dreams only come in moderations.

Thursday, March 25, 2010, 4:04 PM

Apologies, my friend. Your page has been missing my mind lately, as you can tell by all of these days passing without a single blog. I must get better at this, it's a goal. I've got a lot lingering around though, things i'm just dying to write down. So, you're in luck.

First of all, I'll start with the sad news. There's always something, it seems. A beloved coach at my school died of brain cancer the other night. It's very sad, and even though i didn't know him, it still breaks my heart. About a week before that, my dear grandmother died. It's a complicated situation, but i guess she died of starvation. She had multiple strokes that left her almost paralyzed, and she couldn't eat or drink anymore. Her only option was to be fed through a tube, or starve. and she didn't want to be fed through the tube. So she chose to die. I'm not angry in any way. I'm glad she's not suffering anymore. I just always feel like a terrible person when i think about it because i broke a promise to her that i can never un-do. Since i was a little girl, she always told me she wanted to read something i wrote, because it seemed i always had a notebook in my hand, writing stories about anything on my mind. I promised her one day i'd let her read something. Days and days past, and she'd gotten so sick recently, she wouldn't have even known if i was there reading it to her. So i broke a promise. And i feel awful for it. I know she'd understand, but it's still a weight i have to carry on my shoulders for the rest of my life.

Moving on,. I took my driver's test last night and passed! I was so excited. I thought it was funny though, because in my "fortune/horoscope" that i read earlier that day said i would ace my next exam. Then my test number was number 9, which is my lucky number. And i ended up missing 9 questions, which is just enough to pass. Funny how things work. But no matter. All i need now is a car to call my own, as well as august to come so i can get my license.

My weightloss is not as successful as ive been hoping. I've managed to jump from losing zero pounds, to ten pounds, and i tend to bounce in between the two weights alot. I'm trying so very hard to lose another fifteen pounds by the end of the school year, (June 17th) But it'll be rather difficult. Even though it's a slow process, i'm at least glad my weight has been going down. Whether it's a pound a month, or ten. It's slowly declining, and i'm happy. My self confidence has been at an all time low, and unless i get these pounds to fly off, it's not going to improve much.

I've been thinking alot lately. And i've been having tons of dreams about dancing. I don't even know how to dance, but some how i can't get over the thought of how much i'd like to go out and just dance, dance my heart out with someone i love. I've gone to school dances, but nothing's ever actually happened. I've shook my butt, and stood around, but i've never truely been in someone's arms and danced, or even slow danced. That would be nice, don't you think?

well, i better get going. I'll write more later<3

Labels: dancing, death, driving, weight loss

Miracle, or just plain Myth.

Monday, January 25, 2010, 4:08 PM

Is it just me? Or has anyone else noticed the beautiful sunrises we've had recently. Almost every morning as i'm walking to school, the sky is pinker then the cheeks of an embarassed child. and i love it. Sunrises make my mind wild. They make my heart happy. And they make my soul beautiful. It puts a good start to even the worst mornings. I've taken a couple pictures on my cell phone (as shown above) and they've turned out magnificent. I can't wait to develop the film in my photography camera. i bet there's some beautiful shots on there. For as crappy as the Northwest weather has been, it's been made up with the morning skys.

Speaking of skys, this morning something amazing happened. Last night, i wanted God to give me a sign. I told him lastnight as i was in bed wrapping my blankets around myself, that he should let me know how i do on my finals. I've been stressing about them for weeks now. I told him that if i come to school in the morning and the sky is black and ugly, that it means i will fail my final. And if the sky had even a hint of pink in it, I'd pass. It was raining all night, so i figured that was my sign. Walking into school, i looked around to see an ugly black sky. Feeling upset and worried, i continued walking to school. But then, i looked over my shoulder. There was a single small cloud in the sky that glowed a beautiful pastel pink. A smile leaped on my face. He listened to me, he really did. And i took my final, feeling pretty good about it. Obviously i know i'm not going to get an A, but i know i'm not going to fail. I feel much closer to God today. I know he listened.

I have a math final tomorrow, and it's going to be easy compared to my science final today. Math is my better subject. Tonight, i'd only been home from school about an hour, and my aunt calls. My little cousin needs help with her homework. I spent the last three hours helping her. I feel bad for her sometimes, because she just doesn't understand it. But i don't blame her. I even had a hard time with some of her math.

Cupid struck me right in my back....again. I find myself having another one of my "first grade crushes" on a boy in my classes. :) He's not typically the definition of gorgeous, actually most people would agree he is quite the opposite. But i think he's adorable. I'm not getting involved though. I'm not looking for a relationship or any love connection right now. I said i wasn't at New years, and i'm sticking to my word. He's cute, and it's fun to stare at him from afar, but as of now nothing is going to happen. Sometimes cupid, sometimes. You hit me at the wrong times.

So an update on my weight loss. So far, i've been eating much better. I'm literally having at least one salad everyday. And the sugar intake has lessened alot. I still eat sugars, just nothing like i used to. I'm actually eating things like yogurt, spinach, and bananas. Things i would have NEVER put in my mouth before i started this. I've felt better, much better in fact. I've had more energy and i've actually been happier. It's really changed how i feel. But on the days that i overlapse back, and eat fast food or something unhealthy, i get a massive headache and start feeling tired. So i make sure to stick to eating better. As for the actual weight loss, it hasn't improved as much as i'd like it to. But starting next week, i'll be enrolling in gym class, so i'm hoping the extra exercise will shed off the pounds. If not, i've gotta do something different because i'm not getting to where i want to be.

So far the new year has been great. We'll see what else it has in store for me.
xoxoxox.

Labels: cupid, finals, sunset, weight loss