by your side*/}

Dreams only come in moderations.

Thursday, March 25, 2010, 4:04 PM

Apologies, my friend. Your page has been missing my mind lately, as you can tell by all of these days passing without a single blog. I must get better at this, it's a goal. I've got a lot lingering around though, things i'm just dying to write down. So, you're in luck.

First of all, I'll start with the sad news. There's always something, it seems. A beloved coach at my school died of brain cancer the other night. It's very sad, and even though i didn't know him, it still breaks my heart. About a week before that, my dear grandmother died. It's a complicated situation, but i guess she died of starvation. She had multiple strokes that left her almost paralyzed, and she couldn't eat or drink anymore. Her only option was to be fed through a tube, or starve. and she didn't want to be fed through the tube. So she chose to die. I'm not angry in any way. I'm glad she's not suffering anymore. I just always feel like a terrible person when i think about it because i broke a promise to her that i can never un-do. Since i was a little girl, she always told me she wanted to read something i wrote, because it seemed i always had a notebook in my hand, writing stories about anything on my mind. I promised her one day i'd let her read something. Days and days past, and she'd gotten so sick recently, she wouldn't have even known if i was there reading it to her. So i broke a promise. And i feel awful for it. I know she'd understand, but it's still a weight i have to carry on my shoulders for the rest of my life.

Moving on,. I took my driver's test last night and passed! I was so excited. I thought it was funny though, because in my "fortune/horoscope" that i read earlier that day said i would ace my next exam. Then my test number was number 9, which is my lucky number. And i ended up missing 9 questions, which is just enough to pass. Funny how things work. But no matter. All i need now is a car to call my own, as well as august to come so i can get my license.

My weightloss is not as successful as ive been hoping. I've managed to jump from losing zero pounds, to ten pounds, and i tend to bounce in between the two weights alot. I'm trying so very hard to lose another fifteen pounds by the end of the school year, (June 17th) But it'll be rather difficult. Even though it's a slow process, i'm at least glad my weight has been going down. Whether it's a pound a month, or ten. It's slowly declining, and i'm happy. My self confidence has been at an all time low, and unless i get these pounds to fly off, it's not going to improve much.

I've been thinking alot lately. And i've been having tons of dreams about dancing. I don't even know how to dance, but some how i can't get over the thought of how much i'd like to go out and just dance, dance my heart out with someone i love. I've gone to school dances, but nothing's ever actually happened. I've shook my butt, and stood around, but i've never truely been in someone's arms and danced, or even slow danced. That would be nice, don't you think?

well, i better get going. I'll write more later<3

Labels: dancing, death, driving, weight loss